Diary

A Birthday Wish

I was just a half sleep a moment ago, I’ve been tired for whole this day. Then my phone rang from bellow my pillow, I can’t see clearly – my eyes still half opened – but I’m sure the number wasn’t registered. I was about to reject it, but something spoke strongly from within that I must answer it.

A soft voice, a bit husky, speak to me – a women voices…

Sorry, I am not late, am I not?” – meanwhile, I still can sure whose voice was that, “Happy birthday – Cahya” – the voice speaks low with a comforting tune and soft rhythm.

I knew it! – in spontaneously I replied, “Where are you now? Are you sick?” My feeling mixed. She replied with word I couldn’t catch, but somehow I do understand that she wasn’t okay at all – maybe since we are not so different.

She just came from her office this late night, I know she always busy, I never mind she forgot about something so unimportant such as this birthday. But I do mind if get herself in trouble by trying contacting me with that condition.

Have you got your dinner and bath?” I asked.

Yes, I have” – a silent cut our dimension for a moment – “I wish I could give you something, but…”

Then you should get some rest, don’t worry about that. Just take care Corgy over there – I would be fine here.”

She then whispered a pray for me, my tears flew down – and I don’t know why.

I am really sorry – something within me were protesting. I should never have that wish from the start. A night before, I blew my birthday’s candles with a wish. I don’t know why – I never thinking of it, the wish just came like that…

O Lord – send me your angel.

I should know – there were none of my prayer unfulfilled. With that very reason, I have already stop praying for all this years but the night before.

I know, you were used to be my angel, years ago, the one who was guarding my heart. But I am really sorry, I’ve let someone took my heart from me, and its already lost in the maze of time. Yet, I’ve no regret of it – since it made me understand, what love is within its form and formless feel, even it cost me to be an empty puppet without a heart.

There nothing left in me to be so called worthy for you. You are an angle, and I am just a heartless puppet. I never think if that pray would summon you – despicable me!

I should stop praying, I should stop making a wish, since it always get fulfilled. Its too dangerous. I could hurt someone unintentionally.

But I don’t know, since even my mind never know what is the true wish lay deep within me, it never known until time reveals it naturally.

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