Tag: mind

Shifted Biological Clock


Recently I think I have my biological clock is shifted. Hard to get sleep earlier in the night, easy to wake up again – which it means hard to maintain a good night sleep. And obviously it would make me having a hard time during daylight.

I think the source of my problems is something that is called insomnia, well its common for the people within the disaster area. Even you speak to yourself do not worry about a think, but I think its a deep psychological of our minds, that unconsciousness alertness has brought trouble to keep itself from deteriorating.

Even I know where is the problems, it still hard to make any resolve without full of awareness that the problems still exist deep within myself. Well, I don’t know what to do, or at least I don’t want to pretend like I know that something can be done.

Accepting the situation right before its deteriorated circumstance makes more issue, is the right act to alert this mind that there is a more critical issue than a mere wariness. From that point, I start to see everything clearer than before.

Understanding one self


Before you walk through and start blaming others, maybe you should stop for a moment, and look upon a mirror of your heart. Have you now, walk on the right path? Have your heart agreed fully for everything you stand for now? This question have to be answered, so one could understand one self.

Doris Mortman ever said, "Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have." You’ll try to find all reasoning out there, but you might never find it, since you aren’t yet content with what you are.

Visiting tomb of the past


Yesterday I was visiting a tomb of the past. I was looking back, what I have been leaving behind, inside the stream of my very own breath. There were a lot of things those holding me back there, one of them I know it as fear. Fear made me denied myself from entering a path of unknown – path of non-sureness.

Even I knew that subtle formless thing was fear itself, but deep within me, there was never brought up an understanding about this circumstance. It was so dark, a pitch black mist which no such a weak mind like mine would be able to grasp something. The more I went deeper, the more I lost myself, the more I confused about direction.

But I was very full of myself, I asked no guidance nor opinion of others, I kept everything by myself – and believed if someday I can overcome everything by myself. Yes, everything was just about me – I was very full of myself. But I wouldn’t dare to say if today I am free of this kind ego.

Then, the more deeper I was looking for the root of my problem, my fear – I’ve found nothing, nothing at all, nothing but a dark and unknown surrounding. I was desperate, I was cried a lot, all by myself. Today I think, there is a part of me (or maybe all part of me) so fragile.

Yesterday, I was looking back on all that. What was I searching for? Was I wanting become a fearless entity? Was I wanting to understand the root of my fear? Or was just I want to know, what was happening to me?

I think, I have been wasting to much time, searching for the ‘me’ which never wanted to fully open itself for itself. Wasting to much time in looking for ‘me’ which is the creator of its own fear. If I am the fear itself, the I have no much choice but to live with it. Not opposing fear – I hope – would give me a chance somewhere in which a windows of understanding shall opened by itself.

It is a tomb of past, but still it is the present and the very future itself. Yet, I don’t understand that much, but there is something within me is saying, it feels that much.

I don’t know


The simple way to avoid all misunderstanding if we try to solve a case we don’t really understand is by saying “I don’t know” in the very beginning. It is not like we denying our prior knowledge, but just to give a clear starting point, if we need to let go all our prejudgment. Human ego sometimes easily takes over our clear mind, and we think me might know what we face, but the truth is they are only a vague guessing.

So, saying “I don’t know” is the ideal way to avoid our own clumsy traps, we need to see clearly, and lets see from a blank stillness. And saying “I don’t know”, is more than enough to make our self a honest entity without craving for false dignity. Yes, I don’t know, lets start to learn something about it, lets find something – the truth of it. So then, we can live a truthful life.

Life under the vast sky


I remember clearly every time my heart whispers me, about the life under the vast sky. Even my logic can always tells me that nothing stays eternal, but seeing life flows in its natural way would be amazing every day journey. Yes, I would like to restart my pilgrims here.

Tough I am not quite sure where to begin with, but at least I would let the wind guides the long path of my life. A deep breath for a deep maze, then lets shake hand – my life.